There was a season in my leadership when I needed everyone to like me. It was as if the litmus test for my effectiveness as a leader extended into the quality of my interpersonal relationships with my team members. Don’t get me wrong, there’s something valuable related to having meaningful bonds with those on your teams, especially when you’re the leader. I don’t think likability is the leading value of a strong leader.
My need to be liked extended into my social and professional networks. It takes a lot of energy to be liked by everyone. The truth is, I will not be liked by everyone, and neither will you, especially when we stand on our values, focus on our goals, and use our voices. Some people have nothing better to do than worry themselves with your walk. Keep walking.
When I think about what creates haters, I lean into my assessment that as long as humans are on the planet, there will be conflict in our teams and organizations. There will be people who don’t understand us and what we’re about. There are no easy outs here - there will be times when we make mistakes that impact others negatively. We should own our mistakes and practice the fleeting art of accountability and ownership of our harm. That said, I can’t find a reason to worry ourselves about what our haters might do, will do, or are doing.
For example, when I was the director of the Seattle Department of Human Resources (basically the CHRO for the city), one of my haters sent the mayor not one, not two, but FOUR anonymous letters asserting that I wasn’t qualified or competent for the job. It wrecked me—until I found a coach. Until I realized that what others say about me isn’t my business, and it’s not yours either. Be encouraged, keep going, and brush it off.
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