I often ask my clients, "Are you kind to yourself?" Most take a second before responding. Take a moment to think about the question. I think we live in a world where it's so easy to focus on what our brains tell us instead of using our brains to shape the world around us. Life is short and hard. Conflict and challenge are around every corner. Many things are out of our control, and I often wonder if how we use our brains to tell us stories isn't part of the problem. So I ask, "Are you kind to yourself?" as a gauge for the world we're shaping with our minds.
A story that brings this idea into view: I get a call from a client interested in one of BetterHumans' curriculum services. This client loves our work so much that all I need to do is meet them in their office by noon to sign the papers, and we're set to ink a seven-figure deal! I'm excited. This is the kind of call we've been working towards. This deal will help us far surpass our revenue goals, and it will help me launch the next phase of our growth strategy. I get in my car, head to the highway, and 15 minutes into my drive, I must stop and change a tire. It's 4 pm, the inception of rush hour. I'll never make it into the city in time. I call the client, and the call goes straight to voicemail. I pace near the back of my car; the truck is open, the tire is leaning against my bumper, and I am debating if I should risk calling back and appearing desperate. I kick the tire out of frustration, and it goes rolling into traffic. CRASH!
There's an alternate story here. I get that same call and get in the car with the same goal of making it to the client's office to make the deal. I get the same flat tire. I make the same call to inform the client. It goes to voice mail. But this time, I take a breath, I consider what's real and what's not. As far as I know, the deal is still intact. The prime objective now is to change the tire - safely. The difference is in the story I tell myself and the following behaviors I chose instead of those that chose me. Do we make the deal? Well, it's a made-up story AND, one example puts me in a position to at least make it safely. I try to hold onto two universal truths: 1. My brain is not my identity; it is my tool. 2. The world is meaningless.
Our brains are for making sense, and when we allow that sense-making to become our identities, I think we run the risk of behaving like our brains, which is akin to showing up like a scrolling smartphone—no focus, random output, and shifting towards the worst parts of the social sphere. When I use my brain for sense-making, I take control of a cosmically powerful tool that can bring awareness to my intentions and give me a choice on how I proceed with what I ponder. A tool that can build bridges, create solutions, and compose beautiful ballads. When I use my brain for sense-making, a busted tire goes from tantrum to task-centric because of how I'm choosing to see the world, not what the world is doing to me.
When I say the world is meaningless, I'm not attempting to be sad or pessimistic. On the contrary, this idea gives me great responsibility and opportunity. The meaning that creates the world is the meaning we give it. We decide how we take in input and process what we're experiencing and the actions we take to move and shape the world around us. Without humanity, the world does not have meaning. When we think about those we love, the things that bring us joy, the draw of faith, the pain of a broken heart - we cannot doubt that humans are tapestries of meaning. What a wonderful honor to be on this sense-making journey.
As the world continues to turn and change, as decisions are made that are out of our control, and as we plan and progress toward our goals, I think it's important that we use our minds and not be used by them. Coaching is a great way to partner with another professional to take stock of how your mind works, how you can best use it, and the sense-making that shapes the world around you and your goals. Be kind to yourself.
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