You deserve an extra dose of peace in 2025, and I’m convinced the only way for some of us to experience that peace is by leaving some things behind in 2024. One of those things is the inability to say no. I think the ability to say no is an art that blends confidence, resilience, and kindness while protecting what matters most and is so limited—our time.
By mastering the art of saying no to the things that don’t serve our goals, we make more margin for those things that enable us to get where we want to go. For some, saying no is hard. When I think about what goes on in the mind of a people pleaser, I think about the context of the challenge that goes on. It's hardest for me to say no when I believe:
I’ll let someone down by saying no; that doesn’t feel good
I assume that I’ll miss out on something good if I say no
I might appear like I don’t care for others
I bet for some, just reading this can be anxiety-producing. My goal is to motivate us to realize what we get on the other side of challenging assumptions about what saying no might mean. The reality in saying no is:
If I honor my no, others will, too
If I honor my no, my yes will have more power
If I honor my no, I’ll feel less stressed about commitments I’ve made that don’t align with my interests and values
If I were a person who was going to test out saying no, I’d start small, where the sense of low stakes was prevalent. That might mean saying no to a request for lunch or attending a meeting without an agenda. A mid-level no experiment might mean saying no to a new potential client deal or to a family obligation that will drain you of your well-being. At the advanced level, no activities will depend on your life and priorities, and it may feel like once you say no, it will challenge the expectations of the relationship. Don’t believe the hype - things are going to be just fine.
I dare you to try more nos in the first quarter of 2025. Keep a journal of what you learn about how people respond to you when you let them down easy with your no. What do you notice about yourself when you say no to others? If you feel tension anywhere, note that, too. Make space to think through what’s coming up for you as you practice this new art. How are others responding? Are any spaces or places more challenging to paint freely with your no? What do you make of that? Get clear about what’s going on for you, and keep going!
Get out there and paint freely with your no in 2025- your goals and outcomes will thank you immensely.
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